Friday, December 17, 2010

"Abortion is a private issue, I do not talk to people about it"

"It is a poverty that a child must die, So that you may live as you wish..." - Mother Teresa 

How many of you have ever experienced being friends with a super gorgeous, intelligent, loving super-model? I am blessed enough to have met one recently and I have been developing a friendship with her over the past year. 

Today, we were hanging out, just shootin the breeze, and I said to her "Do you think we're good enough friends and you are willing enough to discuss abortion with me?" I could tell she immediately felt uncomfortable. She responded, "I think that abortion is a private issue, like religion or politics, and I do not talk to people about it." I replied that the reason I wanted to talk to her about it in the first place was because I considered her an intelligent and sensible person. I explained that usually when I try to talk to people about abortion they just say one-liners at me and make it very clear that they are not interested in having that conversation. She thanked me and said "so what about abortion do you want to talk about?"

Me: "Well, there's so much to cover! What should i pick? Ok, how about you just explain to me why you are pro-choice?"

Her: "It's not even a question. It's the woman's body. She has the right to do what she wants with it. I believe that if a child is not-wanted or not ready to be taken care of, the only option is to have an abortion."

Me: "What about the right of the
 baby though?"

Her: "It doesn't have any rights until it is outside of the womb. Until then, the mother has the right to choose."

Me: "ok, i'll come back to that issue... But first, what about adoption?"

Her: "I could NEVER do that!"

Me: "What are you talking about? You could kill the baby but not give it the chance to live a happy and full life?"

Her: "After I see my baby for the first time, there is no way i could give it to someone else."

Me: "But once you have an abortion, you don't forget about the baby, you will always remember that you killed your child. That sounds really painful to me! I am not saying that women who have abortions should be condemned in anyway--they should be shown love--but, I just refuse to believe that a woman wouldn't regret it down the road if they have an abortion..."

Her: "I wouldn't regret it."

Me: "Do you understand the bonding that happens between the mother and child while the child is in the womb?"

Her: "yes"

Me: "Hmm.. what if you could never have children because the abortion ruins you're ability to reproduce?"

Her: "Then I would regret it!"

Me: "Ok, well you realize that's a risk you are taking when you have an abortion??"

Her: "Yes, life's not easy. It's very sad; but, you have to do what's necessary..."

Me: "Do you know what the different types of abortion procedures are?"

Her: "No idea.."

Me: "One type is where they use a powerful suction tube with a sharp cutting edge to dismember the body of the developing baby and it tears the placenta from the wall of the uterus... women who have had abortions of this type have literally seen parts of their baby being suctioned into the collection bottle and have nightmares about those images for the rest of their lives.. that is something i would not wish upon my worst enemy..."

Her: "Well, i really don't want to hear about the techniques..."

Me: "Why?"


(At this point, I thought to myself, o no! What if she has had an abortion and that's why she does not want to talk about it.. so I reminded myself something I had learned at a pro-life training once.. 'there's a time to speak and a time to remain silent')

Me: "Well, listen I know abortion is a very painful topic to discuss and I appreciate you discussing it with me as much as you did. Let me know if you EVER have any questions or would like to discuss this again..."

Her: "We're talking right now, aren't we?"

Me: "haha, yes, I just figured you wanted to stop."

Her: "Well, do you have anything else to say about it?"

Me: "Yes, tons. I just wish you knew... ugh! how do I explain that women deserve better? Let's see, do you know anyone who has had an abortion?"

Her: "Yes, I have a 32 yr. old friend that just recently had an abortion."

Me: "How does she seem?"

Her: "Totally fine! She is very happy these days in fact!"

Me: "Well I can't speak for her, but I know at least a dozen women who have had abortions and regret it."

Her: *shrug*

Me: "It has been discovered that Planned Parenthood performs the "abortion" procedure to women who are NOT EVEN PREGNANT!"

Her: "What? How is that even possible?"

Me: "Women would go to them, thinking they might be pregnant, and get a pregnancy test. Whether or not the test was positive, Planned Parenthood has been known to give them a false "yes" so they could get the money from the abortion! The procedure usually damages the woman's reproductive system and is a very painful process to go through."

Her: "hmm.. i dunno about that."

Me: "Ok, well.. here's something you might care about.. do you consider yourself african american?"

Her: "I'm biracial, yes.."

Me: "Well did you know that Planned Parenthood was originally started by Margaret Sanger for the purpose of black genocide?"

*she responds by raising her eyebrows*

Me: "Don't you feel passionate about that?"

*she shrugs*

Her: "I would not go to Planned Parenthood. I'd go to my doctor."

Me: "Most doctors are not trained to perform abortions though."

**I get teary-eyed at this point**

Her: "um, what's wrong?"

Me: "I'm just really sad. I'm sad that it seems like you are not convinced that babies in the womb are legitimately human! It's a big deal! That's the reason I speak out about it.. because someone has to defend the babies!"
After about an hour and a half of talking to her, the conversation came to an end and we parted ways. I sat around beating myself up for not saying all the right responses that I've been trained to give. Looking back though, i'm glad that I did not debate her on every point and that I didn't respond with formulaic answers. I think this way she is a lot more likely to discuss the topic again with me. Hopefully she realized that I view every person as valuable, regardless of size or location (in or outside the womb). With some people, we are called to be a witness to the truth and that is all.


  1. Well, I am African American and female. I had an abortion when I was 17 years old. I am now 57 years old. I never told anyone. Then, one day, when I was age 34, my eldest son came home.
    "Momma, you are a family therapist. You teach on birth order, right?"
    "Right," I said very quietly. I could not have known the next question was coming.
    "In class today, Mom, we were learning about birth order. When they described the oldest child, it didn't sound like me at all. But, when they described the middle child, it was exactly who I am! But, that can't be right, can it Mom? I'm the oldest."
    And........... if you ever thought that having an abortion is easily forgotten....
    How do you tell your child that you chose to, you chose to kill their brother or sister? How do you live with that? Not get it twisted. You do not live a full and enjoyable life.
    A women who has an abortion experiences the same emotional trauma as a Vietnam Vet, post traumatic stress syndrome. I thought because I was a family therapist, I could hide the trauma and the pain. Without knowing it, the emotional trauma showed up in every area of my life - depression, difficulty bonding with my living children, deep grief, the need to control, etc.
    God forgives us of whatever sin we commit. A mom who aborts their child? It takes decades for her to forgive herself. God has forgiven me. I have forgiven myself. God is holding my son. His name is James. God is holding Him in His arms until I get to heaven. Now, I will do whatever I can to save the lives of the unborn and to save the lives of moms.

  2. Nicole! This totally sounds like you! I didn't know those 2 things about Planned Parenthood. I'm surprised that the girl was emotionless when you told her the second thing. Anyway, it seemed as if you were very respectful, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
    On a personal note, it has been a while since we last spoke. I spoke with your sister not too long ago and she said that you had moved out.